You're ready for marriage, but it hasn't happened yet. The wait can feel frustrating, lonely, and sometimes hopeless. Here's how to navigate the delay with faith, patience, and purpose.
The Spiritual Perspective
Allah's Timing is Perfect
"Perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, while you know not." (Quran 2:216)
What feels like delay might be:
- Protection from someone incompatible
- Preparation time to become who you need to be
- Perfection of circumstances for when you do marry
- A test of patience and trust in Allah
Sabr: Patient Perseverance
Patience (sabr) isn't passive resignation—it's active perseverance with trust in Allah. It means:
- Continuing to make effort without despair
- Accepting Allah's timing without complaint
- Finding contentment in your current state
- Trusting that relief is coming
The Power of Du'a
Make Specific Du'a
Don't just pray for "a spouse." Ask Allah specifically:
"Oh Allah, grant me a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of my eyes and help me to worship You better. Make our marriage a source of peace, mercy, and companionship."
Pray at Best Times
- Last third of the night
- Between adhan and iqamah
- While fasting
- On Fridays
- During prostration in salah
Be Persistent
The Prophet (peace be upon him) loved du'a that was persistent. Don't give up; keep asking.
Combine Du'a With Action
Making du'a doesn't mean sitting idle. Allah helps those who help themselves.
Practical Steps While Waiting
1. Work on Yourself
Use this time to become the person you're looking for:
- Strengthen your deen — Establish consistent prayer, Quran reading, and Islamic knowledge
- Improve your character — Work on patience, kindness, humility
- Develop skills — Education, career, hobbies, fitness
- Heal past wounds — Address baggage that might affect future marriage
2. Expand Your Search
- Join platforms like Sahan
- Attend community events (with proper boundaries)
- Let family and friends know you're looking
- Be open to introductions
- Consider matches you might have overlooked
3. Address Obstacles
Honestly assess what might be delaying your marriage:
- Unrealistic standards? Are you looking for perfection?
- Fear or trauma? Do past experiences make you hesitant?
- Limited social circle? Do you need to expand your network?
- Location? Would you consider moving or long-distance?
- Financial barriers? Are money concerns preventing engagement?
4. Involve Your Community
Don't isolate yourself. Stay connected to:
- Family who can introduce you to potentials
- Married friends who understand the process
- Community elders who can advocate for you
- Support groups for single Muslims
Dealing With Difficult Emotions
Loneliness
- Build strong friendships (with appropriate boundaries)
- Invest in family relationships
- Find purpose in community service
- Remember that marriage won't end all loneliness; only Allah fills that void completely
Comparison
Social media makes it seem like everyone else is married. Remember:
- You don't see people's full stories
- Everyone's timeline is different
- Someone else's blessing doesn't diminish yours
Hopelessness
When you feel like giving up:
- Revisit stories of prophets who waited (Yusuf, Musa, Muhammad ﷺ)
- Remember that after hardship comes ease (Quran 94:5-6)
- Seek professional help if struggling with depression
- Make more du'a, not less
Pressure from Family/Community
When people ask "When are you getting married?":
- Have a standard polite response ready
- Set boundaries with intrusive relatives
- Remind yourself that their comments don't define your worth
- Don't let pressure push you into the wrong marriage
Guarding Yourself During the Wait
Protect Your Gaze and Heart
- Avoid content that fuels inappropriate desires
- Don't "window shop" for spouses without serious intention
- Fast as the Prophet (ﷺ) recommended for single people
Maintain Purity
The struggle is real, but:
- Guard yourself from zinaphysically and digitally
- Lower your gaze
- Busy yourself with productive activities
- Seek refuge in Allah from temptation
Signs It's Not Just Delay
Sometimes what seems like delay is actually avoidance. Ask yourself:
- Am I actually putting in effort, or just making du'a?
- Am I rejecting people for minor, superficial reasons?
- Am I afraid of commitment despite wanting marriage?
- Do I have unresolved issues I'm avoiding?
Be honest with yourself and seek help if needed.
When It Finally Happens
After the wait, remember:
- Give thanks to Allah for His perfect timing
- Don't rush out of desperation—maintain your standards
- Your patience will make you appreciate marriage more
- The person you meet after waiting is exactly who you needed
Finding Peace in the Wait
This time is not wasted. Use it to:
- Deepen your relationship with Allah
- Build a life you're proud of
- Become the spouse you want to find
- Develop independence and self-sufficiency
Your value isn't determined by marital status. You are complete as you are, and marriage will be an addition to your life, not the completion of it.
When you're ready, we're here. Join Sahan to connect with serious Somali Muslims when the time is right for you.
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